A Grant isn't just a "fifty"
Oka
y, I know that graduation is right around the corner and you need to make a decision about your future ASAP. Mom and dad are giving you shit about moving out into the "real world" next year and your hot girlfriend is off to bigger, better frat boys at some far off University. You're probably an angry young person who is looking for an easy way out. College sounds great but you don't have the money for that... or do you?
YES YOU DO! I know that this may be hard to believe but there are programs out there for people just like you. Young people who want to go to college but don't have the money right now. They're called grants or student loans. The best thing about student loans is that they're designed with the student in mind. Knowing that you're mostly just a bunch of lazy potheads, our fine education system along with the fine people at Sallie Mae, for example, have come up with a way for you to pay for your own college tuition. See, you're all big boys and girls now! By making your monthly school payments as low as twenty five or thirty dollars a month, they ensure that you won't go hungry trying to pay for school and allow you to still have enough green left in your pocket to pick up that case of Keystone Light that's going to give everyone the runs after tomorrow night's party.
And after your college days are over and you land your dream job with the fine education you've paid for yourself, you'll be able to pay off that school loan in no time. Then you get to move into the world of credit cards and experience what real debt is!
You don't need to join the military to ensure that you get a college education! If you've learned anything from my experience, you'll realize that the military doesn't always ensure that you'll receive all of your benefits anyway. (See: Screw your congressman) They don't care about your college tuition or your dream job. They hope that you'll reenlist. And with the benefits they'll offer you to do so, you'll be too comfortable to ever think about college again. Screw that!
Do the right thing. These grants and student loans are out there just waiting to be used. Now if you smoked to much in high school and didn't do well enough to get into college... I can't help you there. But hey, don't feel bad, the military's full of people JUST LIKE YOU!